I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
