I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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