the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
