You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
