i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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