i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize