So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
