i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
