The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
