he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
