I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
