it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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