The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
