Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish you could order shots online.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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