just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
