Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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