i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
why do cheetos always look like penises
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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