I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The air was thick with penises
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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