honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
