every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I currently don't understand fingers.
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