She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
