Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
