Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
