Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
