he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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