So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
