whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize