I wish they made helmets for livers.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
