At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
