he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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