you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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