i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My balls are so social today.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
