So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
