I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
