I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
