Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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