remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
