she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize