if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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