how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
a search helicopter?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
