if you like me you must not know who I am
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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