i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
