i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
