He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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