Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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