i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You are a genius and a whore.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
