I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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