you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
