Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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