I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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