I got chris browned last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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