he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
