Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
