You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
