My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize