is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ketchup is God's man juice
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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