No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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