Where did you get a picture of my penis
please come you make the beer taste better
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
