Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
two words...techno handjob
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
