Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
