I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
