I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
