We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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