I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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