he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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