I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
