I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
