i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
