there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
