you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
